More Food for Thought from our friend Johnny Biceps

Thoughts of a fitness extraordinaire, II

As a personal trainer, my obligations as a role model and fitness model are pretty clear set and understood. And though sometimes water retention from an extra tbsp of lite soy sauce may temporarily dissolve my visible abdominal separation I crunch so hard [and hold at the top] for, the rest of the time I do my best to exercise will power and portion control. What boggles my mind when I'm in the sauna swearing off soy sauce forever, then, is what can we as a nation do about the rapidly rising rate of fatties? Of fat people. Overweight people, can I say that? Err hrmm.. Obesity.. What can we do about obesity?

Well I may have just the plan for capturing and bringing this rising epidemic in for questioning: Each district of each city of each state must form an Anti-Obesity Task Force. Undercover A-OTF agents will impose fines for citizens caught violating any or all of a strict set of rules and regulations. Much like Moses brought us the first Ten Amendments and Tyler Durden brought us the eight rules of Fight Club, Johnny Biceps brings you the Anti-Obesity Manifesto.

[cue lighter to burn paper's edges]
"Good citizens of the United States of America(and whichever other countries wanna do this): It has come to my attention(and when I say "my," feel free to substitute any of the following: "Your," "The frustrated taxpayer's," "The person sitting next to you in-flight's") that, A) You are eating way too much and, B) You are moving around way too little. It is because of these observations and actualizations that I, the personal trainer put together this colleague-notarized document detailing what is to be done.

First and foremost; this is not a personal attack.. It is a million-plus persons attack.

We gave you lower calorie, healthier alternatives.. we gave you calorie-free soft drinks.. we gave you WebMD.com and Google. It's apparent you have rejected our offerings.. this is unfortunate. Because of this, we are putting forth on this day the Anti-Obesity Manifesto. Read:

Fines shall be imposed unto you by any and all undercover A-OTF agents who discover(s) you:

1. In possession of a simple carbohydrate at any time of the day other than directly following a weightlifting workout.
2. In possession of any carbohydrate other then a fibrous vegetable or medium piece of fruit past seven o'clock pm.
3. In possession of any amount of food specimen or combination thereof totalling more than three hundred calories.
4. Taking the elevator or escalator or that moving walkway thingy at the airport.
5. Parking your car within thirty feet of the entryway to any building other then a residence.

Note: Agents reserve the right to modify the aforementioned and/or come up with new stuff on the spot as deemed necessary."

With hopes this will put a muzzle on hungry mouth of obesity,

Johnny Biceps
for more visit www.johnnybiceps.com